Reflection: Becoming Manna

Last night I dreamt that I was getting a new surname. My actual surname is Molina (after having been married to my husband 11 years ago). In the dream, I was going to be named "Mills". I thought, well I do not want to give up my present name, so I'm going to be called "Molina-Mills". When I awoke, I thought this was rather funny - the word / name "Molina" already means "mill", so why have the same name in English? Why the strong emphasis?

As I have learned to understand and interpret the metaphoric language of God over the years, I knew there was something more to this. I searched the word "mill" in the bible and felt led to a particular passage which talks about the process the Israelites applied to the heavenly manna to be able to eat it:

"Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its appearance like that of bdellium. The people would go about and gather it and grind it between two millstones or beat it in the mortar, and boil it in the pot and make cakes with it; and its taste was as the taste of cakes baked with oil. When the dew fell on the camp at night, the manna would fall with it." Numbers 11:7-9

 

Even though I have read this passage before, I now became fully aware that the manna which God rained down from heaven to feed His people wasn't actually eaten in its original form - it had to be processed! The process of grinding, beating and boiling is rather brutal if you really think about it. Intense energy and pressure and heat is applied. Yet, instead of destroying the precious manna, it actually releases the nutrients and makes it digestible. Any type of grain is much easier to digest when it is processed properly.

A few years ago my dad brought the health benefits of flaxseed (also called linseed) to my attention. As I began looking into it, I soon found out that the way to get the very best out of these incredible seeds was to actually eat them crushed or ground so the body can absorb all the valuable nutrients inside instead of just sending the closed seeds through the stomach and intestines (they remain closed throughout their journey!) and out again.

As I was pondering this further, two things unfolded in my heart. First it showed me that the revelation, our spiritual food, which God gives us all the time to nourish us, strengthen us and cause us to grow in faith and love is not given just to be 'swallowed'. We gather the revelation, and we then grind it, beat it and boil it to get the essence out of it! We study, investigate, ponder, pray and ask Holy Spirit for insight, and we keep doing this with intention, investing time and energy - making real effort!

"By putting the best in, we get the best out" is a quote I found in a magazine a while ago and which I put on my notice board next to my desk. Lack of pressure, energy and heat would slow down the processing of manna in the best case, in the worst case it would be a waste altogether and leave the manna in a state unfit to be eaten and enjoyed. We need to invest our time and give it our best effort if we want the best result! The Bible uses the word "diligence" a lot in this context.

So - we need to treat the precious revelation God gives to us through His written Word and by the Holy Spirit as something we need as much as our bodies need food. Our spirit needs it and depends on it to stay alive and be richly nourished and to continuously grow. 

The second insight were the words "becoming manna" which I suddenly heard in my heart. I was surprised as I have never heard that phrase before. I googled it and could not find anything on it whatsoever. As I continued to ponder this, I was reminded of these words from the Bible:
 
"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

"In this is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world." 1 John 4:17

Jesus our Messiah is the true bread of life. He nourishes us and gives us life. Without Him our spirits are dead - without constant connection with Him we begin to starve! We are also like Him in this world if we have become His children. We have been united with Him (Philippians 2:1), we dwell in Him, have our being in Him and Jesus dwells in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. He wants us to feed the lost and hungry in this world so they can get a taste of God:

"But he answered them, 'You give them something to eat.'...” Mark 6:37

My sense is that God is actually calling us to become manna! He provides the food, He gives it freely - we could not produce it ourselves! He first "gathers" us to Himself. He then begins the intense process of grinding and beating us - not because He seeks to harm or injure us, but because in His wisdom He knows that the rich treasure of nutrition can only be released this way! He turns on the heat - He "boils" us and prepares us so the lost can finally be fed!

As children of God, we are called 'the body of Christ':

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." 1 Corinthians 12:27

So, if Jesus is the bread of life, and we are His body, united with Him, it only makes sense that we, too, are manna to the world! I for one have decided that I want to yield much more now to this much needed process of beating, grinding and boiling - even though it can be rather intense at times, but I was not supernaturally born again and made into manna just to lie on the ground and go all mouldy! I am here to be food for a starving world! Food that others can benefit from and be nourished and strengthened by. 

We have the awesome privilege of becoming edible, palatable manna to give others a true taste of heaven - a taste of the one living God!

Reflection: BREXIT

After the EU referendum polling day on June 23rd and the national declaration of the referendum result on June 24th, debates still carry on everywhere, including the media. Scrolling down facebook continues to reflect people's intense emotions regarding the decision of the UK to leave the European Union. There are those who feel triumphant after this decision. Others are deeply upset and desperately hope there will be a re-vote, or they post how badly the world economy and international relations have already been affected by this decision. Again others try to be "all cool" about it, saying it's not going to change that much for us.

I have tried my utmost to verbally stay out of it which required a lot of self-control from an extrovert, passionate German like me. You bet I have had my own thoughts on it. I have lived in the UK for over nine years now, and the list of things I love about this nation and its people is very, very long. I think it's safe to say I have spent some of the best years of my life here, and I still love it. I know me and my husband are here because God has called us here until He calls us elsewhere, whenever and wherever that is.

Well, I'm also German. A "mainland European". Although my heart doesn't quite beat to the steady, structured and ordered German mindset and rhythm of life, I still feel connected to my homeland and its wonderful assets in many areas of life. And I see myself as an earth pilgrim too, loving the diversity of the many languages and cultures which cover this "pale blue dot" in the universe.

This may explain to you my emotional and mental dilemma: I listened to the warnings of those who claimed to know all the bad that might happen if the UK disconnected from the EU. I also heard what those who wanted Great Britain to vote "leave" expected to improve if the country chose to no longer be part of the EU. My mind was having arguments with itself, and it soundlessly shouted especially at those who seemed to demonise not only the EU as an institution, but in fact, the whole of Europe. My heartrate went through the roof several times! Through this onslaught of thoughts and emotions displayed by many people as well as inside my own self, I finally interrupted myself - and took a step back. A large one. 

I stood and looked, and then I asked myself: "What is really going on here?" And instead of getting side-tracked and emotionally dragged off to a place I never wanted to be at, I wondered: "What is 'fact' as far as it goes for me personally?"

Fact is: I have not been to university and studied world politics, economics or anything along those lines. I do watch the news, and I'm very interested in history and current events. I know a little about how Germans and a few other mainland Europe countries tend to view the UK. I know how many people in the UK view mainland Europe, including Germany.

God has not given me ANY revelation on whether the EU is demonised and works for the antichrist! Neither has He clearly shown me that the EU is simply full of nice people who are just trying to bring the countries of Europe together more. I have observed a few issues on both "sides" of this whole Brexit issue (before the EU referendum was ever discussed) which I could comment on. But really, do I have the big picture? (And really, who has?..)

Interestingly enough, after the results were in about Britain leaving the EU, some "neutral" political and economical experts (who hadn't been shouting to back either side of the Brexit previously) were interviewed on the news, and they were asked what they thought would happen next. You know what they said? "Honestly, we don't know. We will have to wait and see." How freeing it is when someone is actually honest. They simply said they didn't know.

One thing I know for sure is this, and I'm now particularly speaking to my fellow brothers and sisters in the Christian faith: I have rarely seen such a nasty display of pride, animosity and disrespect as I have in the run up of this EU referendum, and it still doesn't stop now! People express triumph (before knowing what the far-reaching consequences of this result will actually be!) and tell the "remain" voters to just get over it and be quiet. There is a large amount of sulking "remain" voters as well who wish the worst on the "leave" voters. Links to articles are posted on how bad things are already getting, and some even demand a re-vote.

You know what also really made me raise my eyebrows? Many people around me said they had heard from God regarding what to vote - "remain" or "leave", and I'm sorry to tell you, but just in case God did in fact have a black-and-white view on this decision: 50% of you heard wrong!

Finally - the decision has been made. We will now need to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. I'm pretty sure we will ALL get a few surprises over the coming weeks, months and years in regards to this decision.

What is really burning on my heart to say right now is this.

What is the state of our heart right now? Whether we have voted "remain" or "leave", what does our heart look like right now?

Throughout this whole process, we may have forgotten that while nations and the plans of God for the nations may be of great importance, really what comes up an awful lot in the word of God is that He cares about our heart - our motives, feelings, and the direction of our thought life. 

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

What have you thought and felt towards people who are not of the same opinion as you? How have you thought about them, talked to them and written to or about them?

Seriously. What have the last weeks and months revealed about the intents and thoughts of our hearts towards others? 

"But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says 'Fool' will be sent to fiery hell." Matthew 5:22

Have you ever wondered if this was a test - a test so we could see what would come up from our own hearts, out of our own mouths (or fingers while typing), through the fire of contention?

If it helps, I'm going to freely admit at this point that I have failed this test big time! Emotions, hidden views and thoughts came up in me that I had no prior awareness of! Bitterness and annoyance and self-pity and self-satisfaction in "knowing better"... Sound familiar?

"For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder." 2 Corinthians 12:20

Further more, I'm wondering if the intensity of raw emotion regarding the EU referendum has revealed what we really rely upon in this life. "Britain needs to stay in the EU to make the EU stronger." - "Britain needs to come out of the EU to 'become great again'." Do we rely on our own government? On our great history and its achievements? On independence? On connection with certain bodies of power on this earth? Sure, if you don't believe God exists, that's all you will have left. But as a believer?.. What are you honestly relying on?

"Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save." Psalm 146:3

I wonder what God feels, and what is on His heart right now.

While we are still waiting to know what the full consequences of the Brexit will be, there is one thing I am desperately hoping we will do as believers, and do it now:

Turning away from pride, mockery, offense, self-righteousness, self-pity, anger and opinionated arguments.

Instead, turning to JESUS. True love. Forgiveness. Honour. Humility. Quietness of spirit. 

"Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:4

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12  

And yes. Pray for the future of Great Britain. Pray for the future of Europe. Pray for governments, leaders, politicians. 

But let us please, please guard and watch our own hearts as followers of Jesus. Let us never behave like this again. Let us embrace each other as believers, no matter how much our opinions differ. And let us embrace fellow believers across the nations. We need each other! And together, we need our beloved Jesus! He is our only treasure! Our only hope!

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:8

My journey to healing (1)

 Exposure time. In 2008 / 2009 I got so violently ill that I was bed-ridden and in constant, excruciating pain. I couldn't shower or feed myself or do anything for that matter. A bit scary when you're not even 30 and wondering whether this is it! My poor husband had to do everything, go to work, shower me, feed me, wheel me to the loo on our office chair.... He was (and still is) a pillar of support in my life. He is the best husband I could have asked for.

After spending months and thousands of Euros on medical specialists and tests in Germany, the result was that I seemed to have fibromyalgia. As I learned more about it I realised that in human terms, there isn't really a cure for it at all. The main goal is to help you manage the symptoms, and to this end, they just try all sorts of funny medications out on you and hope that one of them will do the trick. So I ended up with one type of medication that I have been on since 2009. In 2010 the dose was increased further to raise my quality of life and mobility.

After a short attempt to get involved in discussion forums on fibromyalgia, I quickly gave that one up because the constant wallowing in symptoms and combinations of medication and cruel experiences with doctors really wasn't going to work out for me - after all I have been a fervent Jesus lover since the age of 11, and this told me that I had something more to hope for than being sick for life, let alone making my whole life's focus being ill. Understanding that Jesus hadn't only died for my sins but also all sickness, I determined that sooner or later, this healing would have to manifest.

Since that time, I have gradually gotten better and better. Yes I have tried for years to eat very healthy and as soon as I could to start moving, go for walks etc. but if you look at how well I am now, it doesn't really make sense logically... I should not be this well, and I refuse to put it down to anything grand I have done, but instead am convinced that God has been very busy putting me back together.

In the last years God allowed me to travel more than I ever have in life before, providing the finance and opening the right doors, and I have physically done things I never thought I could. I look well most of the time but I'm telling you, the in between lows have been a real nightmare. Of course, nobody gets to see that. Muscle and nerve pain, fatigue, being tense, vertigo and migraine headaches and all the rest of it. But the general trend definitely kept going upwards. And that increase my expectation of course. I figured: God has a call and purpose for my life, and as illness comes from the pits of hell, the illness must shift - as simple as that.

Last year in September I finally felt it was the right time. My GP (general practitioner) had asked months prior for the very first time whether I would consider decreasing my meds. At first I wasn't sure. I was scared. Then I had a chat with God about it and thought: "What if this is you? I have been asking for a 'hint' for years..." Then it was decided. Step of faith, with the prayer support of all my loved and trusted ones.

If I described all the goings-on in all detail this would get far too long for sure, but I am now half-way through my reduction, the last one having been at the beginning of March. This last one was definitely a more tricky one. Pain on and off. Complete exhaustion on and off. My brain and central nervous system now really notice that something is "missing". More than ever they now need to learn to feed on the Spirit for well-being, and not on a chemical substance. And I need to be patient enough to wait for the process to be completed.

The last few months have been such a time of fulfilment in my life, probably more than ever before. At the same time the sense of advance being a struggle never stops. There is a cost to all of this, and perseverance and re-engaging with God in trust over and over is probably the key thing. Only Jesus knows what you're going through and how many deaths you have died to make it to today. That is why this is the most important relationship I will ever have. Self-reliance is the worst trap you could ever fall into. You will run into limitations, sooner or later.

I am not making a doctrine out of all this. I don't think it's your "fault" if you are not experiencing healing. There are theories of "lack of faith" or "lack of proclaiming biblical scripture". There are other theories of "God lets me suffer so I learn stuff". I don't agree with any of that. I think as soon as our walk with God becomes a mere exercise of religion or "press this button and then this will happen", it can only go wrong. It's good to learn. Cling to what is good, toss what isn't helpful. Test and weigh everything with the help of Holy Spirit and the bible. But more than anything I believe it's all about God and us, and us and God, staying engaged, staying eye-to-eye. And being real about who we are and what our life journey is like, without diminishing the glory that is at work in and through our lives by the Holy Spirit. I felt it was time to be real. If it blesses a single one out there, that'll be good. :-)